Lebrominoes

Well, this has been even more fun than I thought. Lebron made the right Decision 2.0, got back to the poetry, absolutely killed his Sports Illustrated essay, and the next decade of NBA power has shifted to a team that will be good, wholesome, family fun. Everybody’s happy… Except the few Cleveland fans who are too ashamed of their jersey burning past to get back on the bandwagon, and the even fewer remaining Heat fans, who are probably hiding somewhere in that aforementioned bandwagon. My favorite part of the Decision 2.0 has been watching Miami people act understanding and mature, even though we all know they want to throw a Dan Gilbert. Sometimes we learn from other people’s mistakes, and it makes us look smarter than we are.

Lebron’s time in Miami was necessary, and crazy fun to watch, but his return to Cleveland has validated it even more than I thought possible. It will be remembered as some kind of weird combination of Jordan’s baseball sabbatical and time with the Wizards, except that it resulted in 4 straight Finals appearances and one of the best big threes of all time. It’s hard to imagine almost 15,000 minutes of playing time being thought of as a refreshing break, but that’s kind of what it has to be for Lebron. His time in Miami got the monkey off his back, made him more mature, and eliminated any and all “weaknesses” he had in his game. He will now be coming back to an energized and ecstatic home crowd, and a team that will be even more completely his own than the Cavs team he took to the ‘07 finals. They’re going to win 50 plus games, and be crazy athletic. These guys are babies though, and it will be interesting to see how early and often Lebron gets frustrated with them. I’ll get to the Love trade in a bit, but even if that goes down, Lebron will be the only player on this Cavs team with significant playoff experience, and growing pains are to be expected. I can’t wait to watch him turn Kyrie into Mario Chalmers. (Does he call him Rie, instead of Rio?)

In the meantime, free agency went… Very strangely. The poor Rockets flopped harder than their leading scorer. They didn’t get Bosh, and gave up Jeremy Lin, a first round pick, and Chandler Parsons in the process. It’s too bad, because the only story better than Lebron going home would be Lebron, Wade (from Chicago), and Bosh (from Texas) going home.

The Bulls got a consolation prize in Pau, but Houston looks considerably less attractive than they did a week ago. I would say kudos to Bosh for not joining up with two of the least appealing star teammates in the league, but he would’ve been better off there. Him and Wade just became mostly irrelevant. The Heat can and will make the Playoffs with Luol Deng filling in, but unless D-Wade miraculously flashes some old school Flash, they’re merely pretty good.

The Knicks, Mavericks, and Jazz have locked themselves into a similar purgatory by re-signing their star players. The Knicks did well to hold on to Melo, but I have no idea what he’s thinking ($$$). There is no realistic scenario in which he finds teammates that can help him compete for championships in the next couple years. Signing that contract might have sealed his fate as one of the greatest scorers to never have an important playoff moment. Dirk remains incredibly loyal to Cuban and the Mavericks, but the addition of Chandler Parsons doesn’t really make them relevant either. The Jazz should have used Gordon Hayward as a trade chip a long time ago, and now they’re paying 15 million a year for a guy who should be the 5th best guy on a championship team.

 

The Hornets added Captain Earblower at a reasonable 9 million per year, but the Hornets (who used to be my hometown team), have a decent group of young talent that is, honestly, not going to take them anywhere fast. They might legitimately be about as good as the Pacers now, but they have pretty much added themselves to a long list of good teams in the East that real contenders simply aren’t scared to face. You’re not winning a title when your best two players look like Cabbage Patch Kids.

 

 

 

 

 

The only team other than the Cavs who entered the contender conversation in free agency is the Bulls. Whether or not The Return 2.0 will be blessed by the basketball gods is impossible to know. There has been amazingly little coverage of his second comeback, but if it’s even 80 percent of a success, the addition of Gasol and Summer League favorite Dougy McBuckets, and the subtraction of the black hole formerly known as Carlos Boozer could make them favorites in the East. Please, basketball gods, let D-Rose shine his light on us.

The last remaining Lebromino is Kevin Wesley Love. Carmelo, Bosh, Wade, Dirk, Stephenson. They’re all good players. They can make a difference. But this last decision Cleveland has to make will decide the fate of the league for the next decade. People are jumping on both sides of the argument like it’s a no brainer, but this is one of the toughest front office decisions anybody has ever faced. Make no mistake, either way, the Cavs will be awesome to watch. They can’t exactly lose. The dream scenario for the Cavs would be if Minnesota gave in and took some combination of Waiters, Tristan Thompson, Anthony Bennett, and picks. This is still a possibility, and the Cavs should be patient and see if they can make it happen. If they can’t though, this is my bulletproof logic behind keeping Wiggins.

 

1. The Cavs hold all the cards. Love probably won’t promise to sign anywhere else next year now that he’s talked to Lebron. Even the Warriors best offer probably still isn’t better than the parts the Cavaliers are offering. The sad part for the Wolves is, if the Cavs are patient, and we end up watching Wiggins look way overrated for half a season, he’s still the best the Wolves can do.

 

2. Adding Love makes Cleveland a new big three, which comes with all kinds of pressure that a younger roster wouldn’t have. Lebron could mentor them for a couple years, help them grow into a team, and all the forgiving and understanding people of Cleveland would just smile and laugh, because, hey, they got their baby back.

3. Love becomes a free agent next year anyways. Even after paying Kyrie, with a crafty move or two and another bump in the league’s salary cap, the Cavs could sign him outright. That roster is Terrifying.

 

4. Love and Irving have: A. never made the playoffs, and B. missed 129 games combined over the last three seasons. (Yes, I accounted for the lockout.) They’re at least a teeny tiny bit overrated by being good players on bad teams.

 

5. Usually when the best player in the world retires, his team sucks for years after. Kyrie, Wiggins and company might be able to pick up right where Lebron’s run comes to an end. When Lebron is 40 (In 2024), Kyrie and Wiggins will be 32 and 29.

 

6. Keeping Wiggins lets Lebron guard the second best wing scorer on the opposing team. In the East, that would be: Jimmy Butler, Joe Johnson, Terrence Ross, Luol Deng, Bradley Beal, and Kemba Walker. As an added bonus, Lebron will sleep like a baby.

7. Along those same lines, do you really want to build a dynasty around Kevin and Kyrie, two of the only guys to have multiple youtube hits demonstrating their poor defense, who also happen to only be equipped to “guard” the two deepest and most athletic positions in the league?

 

8. Wiggins rookie salary requires another two or three valuable guys to be moved in order to match Love’s. We’re not sure what the Cavs other young guys are capable of yet, but the only reason to sacrifice that much youth and depth would be to create a big four. We’ve already seen that three stars surrounded by minimum contract guys doesn’t automatically win you a title.

 

9. Making Lebron the undisputed leader of a gang of young, enthusiastic number one picks will make a way better blockbuster in the summer of 2030.

 

10. I rest my case.

The only argument I will listen to for the Cavs giving up Wiggins is the fantastic Pepsi MAX commercials Uncle Drew, Uncle Wes, and Uncle Bron would make. I’ll stop drinking Coke forever if that happens. But, I can wait a year. Let’s hope Cleveland can too.

 

 

The Chosen One Must Return

I had an epiphany, and now I know how I feel about The Decision 2.0. I watched old Cavaliers highlights by accident. Back when it was Lebron and the Lebronaliers. It made me uncomfortably nostalgic. I was never even a Cavs fan. But, man. Go watch full-game highlights of Lebron rocking the Wine and Gold. It’s beautiful. It’s like having a picnic in a meadow with the comforting knowledge that the atom bomb was never invented. Everything was innocent and beautiful. The custom handshakes. The total and complete admiration he had from Everybody and their mother. The knowledge that we were watching the best athlete on the planet playing the game the right way, for his hometown team. It was pure.

The Decision dropped the bomb and became death, destroyer of legacies. More or less everything was ruined. The villainous Black and Red jerseys. The spiteful hatred that burned in his wake. (From the top down no less.) The weird arrogance of the welcoming party. The uncomfortable alpha struggle that took a whole season for Dwyane to understand. The disingenuous acceptance of Lebron’s role as heel, and the Heat’s role as the 1 percenter’s, circumventing league history to create a sort of evil basketball corporation. It ultimately led to glory, and Ray Allen making the greatest shot in basketball history. But it was still gross.

Lebron’s story used to be poetic. It was sad to see him continue to lack a quality sidekick, but he was a year younger when he left for the Heat than Jordan was when he won his first championship. He would’ve gotten his Pippen. Nobody who was following the poetry seriously doubted he would eventually get what he needed in Cleveland. He should’ve stayed. Now, if I was Lebron, would I have taken my talents to South Beach? Yes. A thousand times, yes. Wanna know why Lebron had to pretend to be sad during the Decision and halfheartedly mutter “man, this is very tough…”? Because it was an easy decision. As a logical person, you have to go play basketball with your friends, two of the biggest stars in the game, in a beautiful beach city, away from the blueballs that Cleveland repeatedly delivered him. Obviously, go to South Beach.

But, South Beach ruined the poetry. It dropped the bomb. After The Decision, we had to settle for knowing we were watching a guy who could “only” max out as the second best player ever, because even if he became as good as Jordan, even if he retired with 6 rings, he didn’t follow the poetry. Jordan followed the poetry. He paid his dues, finally found a perfect running mate, evolved as a player, knocked out a three-peat, created a dozen iconic moments, took an unexpected break from the domination to follow some baseball subplot in his hero’s journey, only to make a glorious return and promptly rattle off another three-peat. Jordan’s story was like reading high fantasy. The slimy, radioactive feeling The Decision left us with took that away.

The only possible way to get that back is for Lebron to go home. We might still be able to get back to Lebron’s fateful and epic journey that was supposed to take place in the land of Cleveland. Kyrie, Wiggins, and company might be enough. Would I be able to go back? Probably not. Dan Gilbert alone might be a deal breaker. Him and the fans are feeling like a girl who got dumped feels after they realize the mean things they can’t unsay are now preventing them from reuniting with their one true love. They’re like, Sooo Sorry. Could he ever forgive their shortsighted and ungrateful idiocy, and could we ever go back to imaginary sideline photo shoots and “Witness” posters? Who knows. But I really hope we can. Lebron’s legacy deserves poetry, and Cleveland might be the only place to write it.

The 2014 NBA Draft

Let Me Be Clear. Bill Simmons is, and will always be, The Sports Guy. It’s printed on the cover of his Basketball Bible, and he literally can’t be avoided anymore by anybody who even pretends to care about sports. He’s probably the most visible person on ESPN that’s never actually… played sports. But, since Grantland took off, the articles started dwindling, the B.S. Report started drawing bigger guests, and his face started popping up at halftimes, Mr. Simmons has given up the very thing that made him the Sports Guy in the first place.

He was just a guy. Who liked sports. The Sports Guy. He was an outsider, who rambled and pontificated, who was unapologetically a homer, who liked to imagine what it’d be like to hang out with superstars, and who was wrong a lot (some things never change).

He had the same information as any other schmuck. Now, we have no schmuck. He’s an expert. Everybody’s an expert. Zach Lowe writes 12 articles a day, hangs out in NBA locker rooms and is apparently telepathic. Goldsberry has his fancy charts with the colors and the hexagons. Chad Ford clearly has connections at the NSA and is monitoring every GM’s personal email accounts. And Hollinger’s inventing formulas to find out the adjusted mean of Dwight Howard’s vertical on the 2nd half of back-to-backs when he’s eaten at least 10 pieces of candy. It’s ridiculous. We’re almost definitely in the golden age of sportswriting, but can’t we just have one dude who just talks some shit. Who sort of knows more than your stoner friend who roots for the Nuggets, because “Haha, Nugs, get it?”

Well, I for one have had Enough. (Please keep writing, Bill) We need a new guy who just talks about sports, who has no actual idea what’s going on, but Who will Stand Up for the people and Say What needs to… Okay, alright. Too much? I’m not an expert. I just love the game.

I’ve always been that guy who obsesses over the NBA. I take it seriously. I read SLAM cover to cover, watch hours of highlights, spend more time on NBA 2K’s menus than the actual game, and have a genuine, but definitely irrational, But Genuine belief, that I could build a team better than those dummies constantly stuck in the lottery. (Looking at you, Cleveland. Stop smiling, Milwaukee)

And so, the NBA draft is one of my favorite days of the year. For my generation at least, the draft became an event in ‘03. The ‘98 draft was the last draft of any consequence, featuring Vinsanity, The Truth, and The Seven Foot Schnitzel. (Seriously, nobody ever found a nickname for Dirk?) ‘99 through ‘02 left a sour taste in our collective mouths. ‘03 had storylines, and even if I was too young to understand anything outside of The Prodigy, The Champion, and the Foreign Enigma, I knew I was witnessing history. The Heatles are living proof that ‘03 didn’t disappoint. (Sorry, Darko)

Now, 11 drafts later, the drama, the coverage, the Youtubes, and the game itself have all leveled up. We witnessed Dwight, Oden/Durant, Rose/Beasley, Blake, Wall, Kyrie, and The Brow. There’s been some surprise picks, some spectacular busts, and even Jan Vesely, but not since the Heat draft has there been as much intrigue packed into one lottery.

 

Joel Embiid – Jabari Parker – Andrew Wiggins

 

Embiid has dropped a bomb on this draft with his stress fracture, but he might actually be doing everyone a favor. The draft was looking pretty locked in through the first 4 or 5 picks, but this injury knocked over the ant pile, and now GM’s are scrambling. The Cavaliers have to figure out if they spent last season Riggin for Wiggins or if they’re Sorry for Jabari, and everyone else has to figure out how freaked out they are by a broken foot. For the record, if he slips all the way to the Lakers or Celtics, he will max out his ridiculous potential, because that’s just the kind of shit that happens to them.

The shape of a lot of franchises are on the line, but what the players need is just as interesting. If there’s ever been a player who needed not to be drafted #1 overall, it’s Wiggins. His effortless superior athleticism gives him the air of someone who has never really struggled. His interviews don’t show any sort of chip on his shoulder, and his game tape shows that he isn’t ready, or perhaps even designed, to be the number one option on an NBA team. He dribbles too high (Though, this is apparently a priority in the offseason.), he doesn’t create enough space on his iso moves, and Marcus Smart made him look pretty mediocre in a matchup that Wiggins is going to face weekly at the NBA level. On the flipside, Jabari looks a lot like a crossbreed of Carmelo and Paul Pierce, with 10 bonus years of maturity thrown in for free. If he really can shed the extra pounds he was carrying at Duke, he should be ready to be a number one option.

This doesn’t mean that Parker is necessarily a better player though, and here is where the beauty of basketball truly shines. Wiggins looks more like a Pippen than a Jordan. More like a Robin than a Batman. But, he might become a wayyy better Robin than Jabari can be a Batman. It’s such a beautiful dynamic, especially because they play the same position. Oden/Durant wasn’t nearly this interesting. Unfortunately for the Cavaliers, their current roster makes this decision even crazier. If you pick Wiggins, you have to believe that Kyrie is a legitimate Batman, that Wiggins can handle the pressure of being a number one pick, and that you can afford to develop him and miss out on a potentially elite scorer. If you pick Jabari, you have to believe that Kyrie will share the ball with him, and that they will both develop enough on defense so that the Cavalier’s perimeter isn’t more embarrassing than Dan Gilbert’s letter.

My bet? Parker will be the better player, but the Cavaliers should take Wiggins. Kyrie Irving, along with Melo, Durant, Steph, and Kobe, is one of the most Ignorant (in a good way) offensive players in the league. Nobody else can do stuff like this. He’s already proven himself to be clutch, and he’s been carrying the Cav’s offense since he got into the league. He doesn’t need Parker’s offense, but he certainly needs someone like Wiggins, who can become a shooter, fastbreak finisher, and most importantly, a defensive stopper. This would leave Jabari to the Bucks, where we will feel bad for him, but where he can unquestionably say, “I’m Batman”.

The Sixers are the only team being truly screwed by Embiid’s foot injury. They could gamble on him, but if his odds of success in the NBA weren’t already 50 percent, they have to be now. (This draft becomes all-time interesting if he does slip and turns into Hakeem 2.0, a.k.a. The Recurring Dream. I’m calling the patent office tomorrow to lock down that nickname.) The list of centers whose career was ruined before it started is too long to shrug off a foot and back injury. Assuming the echoes of Yao and Oden’s broken down bodies scare enough GM’s, the Sixers can no longer get their man Wiggins without trading up. That leaves Dante Exum, who has an outside shot at becoming the best player in this draft, (I know I’m certainly rooting for this beautiful accent to run a championship NBA huddle) but for now, with the mystery surrounding him and the glut of talent at point guard, he has to be looked at as second tier.

The greatest part about this class, other than the three potential franchise changers, is that the next tier down is broken up into neat little sections, which provide perfectly confusing options for GM’s. Exum joins Marcus Smart and Elfrid Payton (if you believe the sleeper hype) to form a nice little trio of potential starting point guards. Then, Noah Vonleh, Julius Randle, and Aaron Gordon form a power forward trio that offer three completely different big man experiences.

 

Dante Exum – Marcus Smart – Elfrid Payton

 

The NBA’s point guard position is strange right now. We’re apparently in a golden age, but guys like Jrue Holiday and Jeff Teague, who are the definition of average, are being treated like stars. We like to think of the little guys as the quarterbacks of the NBA, and yes, more short (by NBA standards) people in the world means more skilled point men. But they are Not inherently more valuable. They take up less space on defense, they can be bullied on switches and in the post, and they generally have a much harder time finishing in the paint. They aren’t even as valuable as ball handlers anymore, because NBA teams almost never press. I don’t mean to say that point guards aren’t valuable at all, but when a highly skilled guy like Kemba Walker is below average, there have to be more requirements to be considered a championship level point guard, and a lot of teams are ignoring them.

The good news is that this trio fits these requirements. They’re all big enough to guard shooting guards in a pinch, but quick enough to guard guys like Tony Parker. (And yes, I realize that Tony Parker just won a championship. He’s busting my theory as I’m forming it. But he’s a freak, and still a minus on defense. If you’re building a team, you want a bigger point guard. Let the little guys come off the bench and wreak havoc, 2011 JJ Barea style) They can all finish inside with their athleticism, and they’re not going to be embarrassed in the post. Their potential is going to be unlocked by, big surprise, improved shooting, and though none of their jump shots looks broken, they aren’t spreading defenses out either. Regardless of what needs improvement, their measurements and interviews show they have the tools and attitude to compete and improve in the crazy “golden age” of point guards.

Who will be the best of the three? Smart’s the safe choice. Especially if he lands next to Kobe, who would mold him into some kind of pitbull-cyborg halfbreed. I’d worry about him more in Sacramento, but him and Ben McLemore could actually become terrifying in a couple years if they avoid making TMZ headlines with Boogie Cousins. Dante Exum looks quite a bit like a point guard I might design in NBA 2K, though the shortage of game tape makes him risky. People are trying to put him on the Magic and make him guard 2’s so Oladipo can guard the point. This might work out well for Oladipo, as well as create the best pair of names in the League, but I don’t know if that’s the best situation for Exum. He should be using that wingspan as an advantage against smaller points and committing himself to being a team leader and distributor, not making up for his teammates deficiencies. Payton is a wild card, but he’s got a little Rondo in his game. He’s also gained credibility after Damian Lillard had success out of a mid-major. The hype machine could sneak him into the top 10, and he might just deserve it. If you still doubt him, Mr. Bill Simmons himself has already given Elfrid the holy blessing that is a Russell Wilson comparison.

 

Noah Vonleh – Julius Randle – Aaron Gordon

 

There is poetry in these three coming out of the same draft in about the same draft slot. All three have question marks, but they all represent a completely different prototype of the power forward position. Vonleh, much like Exum, is built like a Create-a-Player. Perfect height, length, good feet, Huge Hands, some low post savvy, and rebounding ability. He looks the part, and he can even hit from outside. His interviews make him sound intelligent and friendly, though maybe a little overwhelmed. I’ve learned to not put too much thought into pre-draft interviews. Outside of expected alphas, charisma is not always a good thing. Kawhi-et guys, hot heads, and even obnoxious cocky spazzes are all part of a winning roster . But, if you’re gonna brawl with giants three nights a week down low, a strong and resolved attitude would instill more confidence than what I’ve seen from Vonleh. That’s where Randle comes into play. He’s not as long or tall, but he’s a fighter. If him and Smart ever end up on the same team, I guarantee the arena they play in becomes “The Doghouse”. Z-Bo comparisons are being tossed around, but he’s at least 20 pounds lighter, and unfortunately, his .79 points per possession in the post show he’s not as accomplished down low as people want him to be. He will fight to do the little things though, and is the kind of guy you want on your team, even if it’s off the bench. Aaron Gordon might be the most intriguing of the three because of his athleticism. His critics call him a tweener, but he doesn’t seem like he’ll struggle guarding either forward spot.

I’m very skeptical of the power forward position in recent years. As the classic NBA center seems to be dying out, the definition of what makes a power forward has become confused. Rim protectors will never go out of style, but the way of the future is a guy who can hit threes and switch onto guards. There are a lot of dual low post guy rosters left, but after watching the Heat and Spurs next level everybody these last two years, it doesn’t seem like the League can go back. There’s a huge list of guys in the JJ Hickson/Thomas Robinson mold, who have all the potential, but simply aren’t gamechangers because they’re not spreading the floor. That’s why I would let Randle slip out of the top ten. He looks like a great teammate, but there are too many guys like him, and he seems unlikely to ever be a good defender or shooter. I hope he proves me wrong, and I think he’ll be an asset to whoever drafts him, but he doesn’t look like a 20/10 guy to me.

Everybody falls in love with dunkers like Aaron Gordon easier than we should, especially me. In my defense, most dunkers don’t come in with a solid basketball I.Q. and this kind of defensive intensity. Unfortunately, he will be limited if he never learns to shoot, and it doesn’t take a lot of watching him to make you wonder if it’ll ever happen. He has no touch near the basket, is an atrocious free throw shooter, and his jumper is suspect. The Celtics will probably take him, and I can’t wait for Rondo to start throwing him lobs, but the two of them will never be on the same championship team together unless they hire some kind of hypnotherapist to be their shooting coach.

Vonleh is more of a project than people think, but he’s still the pick of this bunch. If he improves like he should, he just won’t have any weaknesses. I hope the Magic or Jazz don’t put too much pressure on him early, because if he gets a couple years to grow, he can become very Bosh-like.

This draft will produce another dozen or so role players, and a couple interesting surprises, but I can only lose so much sleep rewatching Draft Express videos. (which are fantastic by the way, if you have a degree in your first language and a lot of time to kill. Though, they are maddening in their consistent ability to make me believe that I’m looking at the next Dirk for the “pros” half of the video, only to have the “cons” half turn my would be superstar into Adam Morrison.) Watch out for shooters like Doug McDermott and Nik Stauskas, ridiculous athletes like Zach Lavine and K.J. McDaniels, the foreign contingent, including Dario Saric and Jusuf Nurkic, as well as some older NBA ready guys like Adreian Payne and Patric Young.

I love the NBA because it’s a beautiful game, but the draft has almost nothing to do with the actual sport. The more you know about the young prospects, the more you can appreciate the human side of the draft. It’s a microcosm of a lot of beautiful moments in people’s lives. It’s a release of anticipation, pride, and anxiety that’s been building for years. It’s a rite of passage. It’s the intertwining of destiny between an organization and a young man who is being sent off to be a modern gladiator. It’s a beautiful moment. People who don’t enjoy sports could be turned if they were properly prepared and engaged in a draft. There is powerful human emotion, and enough intellectual engagement to power thousands of conversations. This draft could be the best we’ve seen since ‘03, and will offer storylines and excitement, as well as an important place in the history of the NBA. You don’t have to be an expert to see that.

 

Name(required)

Email(required)

Website

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ